People often wonder if a cat that doesn’t like sitting on laps can actually change.
Some cats just seem more social or comfortable with close contact, probably thanks to their genetics or how they were raised as kittens.
Others might just prefer hanging out nearby instead of right on top of you. Early socialization may shape how trusting and relaxed cats feel around people as they grow up.
I have to say though, that we had a cat who was absolutely totally spoilt as a kitten but was never a lap cat… until he became an elderly cat and then he liked being picked up.
Not every cat will enjoy being held or cuddled, and honestly, that’s perfectly okay. Respecting your cat’s unique personality goes a long way.
Even if your cat never becomes a lap cat, you can still have a close bond by tuning in to what makes them comfortable and showing affection in their favorite ways.
Table Of Contents
Tip 1 – Make Your Cat Feel Safe and Comfortable
Tip 2 – Maintain a Calm and Trustworthy Atmosphere for Your Cat
Tip 3 – Reward Your Cat to Encourage Closeness
Tip 4 – Recognize What Your Cat’s Body Signals Mean
Tip 5 – How to Pet Your Cat Correctly
Tip 6 – Keep Trust When Your Cat Jumps On Your Lap
Not all cats will want to be lap cats, and that is normal.
Early gentle handling helps cats feel more comfortable around humans but may not be related to lap sitting.
Respecting a cat’s preferences strengthens the owner cat relationship.
Tip 1 – Make Your Cat Feel Safe and Comfortable
Your cat needs to feel safe before she’ll ever consider sitting on your lap. If things are noisy or stressful, she’ll stay alert and avoid vulnerable spots.
In homes with multiple cats
, she might just hide out instead of hanging in the open.
Give her a consistent and calm area with maybe, a cat tree, a perch, or a cozy hiding spot.
Safe places will help her feel secure enough to trust you and hang around more.
Tip 2 – Maintain a Calm and Trustworthy Atmosphere for Your Cat
A peaceful space makes it easier for a cat to relax on your lap. Before you invite her up, try to cut out distractions.
Turn off your phone sounds and keep gadgets out of reach so you don’t startle her with sudden movements.
Speaking gently and quietly helps set the right mood. Loud noises, shouting, laughter, even a dropped object, can scare cats off.
| Tips for a Trusting Setting | Why It Matters |
|---|---|
| Turn off phone ringer and alerts | Prevents sudden sounds or movements |
| Speak softly and calmly | Keeps the cat relaxed and comfortable |
| Use consistent, positive training | Helps the cat learn good behavior calmly |
| Engage in interactive play daily | Forms joyful connections and reduces stress |
Tip 3 – Reward Your Cat to Encourage Closeness
If your cat is shy or hesitant, patience and treats help a lot.
Sit on a sofa instead of a chair as this gives your cat more space and control as she approaches.
Chairs with high arms can make her feel boxed in, so stick with more open sitting spaces.
Keep some small treats handy. Toss a few near you on the floor, then on the couch, and finally closer to your lap.
This way, your cat connects being near you with good things.
Don’t force touching or try to hold her during this process, let her decide when she’s ready to jump into your lap.
She’ll feel safer and more in control, which builds trust over time.
| Step | Action | Purpose |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Toss treat on floor nearby | Build interest |
| 2 | Toss treat on couch | Encourage moving closer |
| 3 | Toss treat on lap | Make lap a safe, inviting spot |
Tip 4 – Recognize What Your Cat’s Body Signals Mean
Understanding your cat’s body language saves you both a lot of frustration.
When she comes over, it doesn’t always mean she wants to cuddle.
Sometimes she just wants food, play, or a little attention, pacing or vocalizing can mean all sorts of things.
If she settles on your lap but starts flicking her tail, twitching her skin, or shifting her ears sideways, she’s probably getting annoyed.
Those signals mean she’s uncomfortable or had enough touching.
Some cats get petting induced irritation and want to be left alone after a while.
She might jump off and avoid you for a bit if you miss these signs.
| Common Signs | What They Mean |
|---|---|
| Tail flick | Irritation or annoyance |
| Ear shifts | Discomfort or overstimulation |
| Restlessness | Wants to move or stop interaction |
Tip 5 – How to Pet Your Cat Correctly
When you pet your cat, keep it chill and pleasant. Every cat’s got its own favorite way to be touched.
Some love long, slow strokes, while others just want gentle pats in one spot.
Watch for signs your cat dislikes certain areas, especially near the base of the tail, which is often a no-go zone or the tummy area.
If she pulls away or stretches out, don’t grab or hold her paws. Most cats hate that.
Key points:
- Use gentle, relaxed petting
- Avoid areas that cause discomfort
- Respect the cat’s body language
- Never hold paws against the cat’s will
This approach builds trust and helps your cat actually enjoy being petted as this article explains. Learn how to pet your cat correctly.
Tip 6 – Keep Trust When Your Cat Jumps On Your Lap
Your cat will only see your lap as a safe spot if she feels secure.
Don’t use lap time for stuff she hates, like medicine or nail trims.
That can make her avoid your lap in the future.
Tip 7- Let Your Cat Leave Whenever She Wants
If your cat tries to wriggle free or hop down, let her go. Basically, you don’t have much choice in this as they will just jump off/down anyway.
When she knows she can leave anytime, she’s more likely to come back later. Forcing her to stay just makes lap time less appealing.
Even if she only hangs out for a few minutes, keeping things calm and pleasant encourages her to stay longer next time.
Frequently Asked Questions
What does purring mean when a cat is on someone’s lap?
Purring on a lap usually means the cat feels relaxed and happy.
But cats sometimes purr when they’re nervous or even in pain, so you should watch for other signals too.
How can someone encourage their cat to sit on their lap instead of elsewhere?
To make your lap more appealing, offer treats, put down a soft blanket, or gently coax your cat with petting where she feels safe.
Patience and rewards help build the habit.
Why might a cat bite while sitting on a person’s lap?
Cats might bite during lap time if they feel overstimulated, uncomfortable, or just want to end the interaction.
Sometimes it’s their way of saying, “I’ve had enough.” Paying attention to body language helps you avoid these moments.
What signs suggest a kitten might like sitting on laps as it grows?
Kittens that seek attention, enjoy gentle handling, and stay calm with close contact often grow into lap cats (but not always).
Early socialization is a big part of this.
How can one interpret a cat’s choice to face away while sitting on a lap?
If your cat sits with her back to you, that’s actually a good sign, she trusts you.
It lets her keep an eye on the room while still feeling safe.
It’s not a snub, just her way of relaxing.
